Communication

By JP

Communication is something we do every day even without thinking about it. Each day we communicate with ourselves, our family members, our work colleagues, the people we help and the people serving us whether in the supermarket or delivery person.

The way we communicate is so interesting to me. God has created so many different ways for us to communicate. We can communicate verbally, speaking fast or slow or loud or soft. We can use our non-verbal, our body language, we can tell someone is angry or upset just by looking at someone’s face or body positioning. One fascinating thing to me is we cannot NOT communicate. Even if we do not want to communicate, we show it through our body language, it could include: crossing our arms, being silent, avoiding eye contact, turning away, having earphones in, not smiling or looking approachable.

Some of the aspects I have learned about communication include: 

Clarifying and paraphrasing

A lot of times, people say things and it can be interpreted many different ways and so we need to clarify and not assume. Paraphrasing helps both parties to make sure the communication is clear and both parties are talking about the same thing. 

Open attitude and stating facts

This one I learned from the book ‘Non-violent Communication’. A parent can say ‘I see three shirts on the floor’ in a neutral tone instead of saying ‘your room is so messy’ and the teenager receiving this message can react very differently. Likewise, being curious and stating facts can help the communication seem more neutral and easier to receive.

Staying calm and using an appropriate tone

I remember a pastor mentioning people will remember our tone and calmness. When we are able to use the right tone and be calm, it can help avoid many quarrels and misunderstandings. We can use our tone to be a non-anxious presence to bring calmness along with safety and sense of security too.

Timing conversations

This refers to making conversations are done at appropriate times. Trying to do hard conversation at night time when both parties are tired is not ideal or appropriate for the best outcome. I have found that making a time when both parties are rested and ready to listen to each other helps makes communication much smoother especially when both parties are coming in with the intent to listen to each other and to see each other’s points of views. 

Validating feelings

This one is a big one in terms of helping validate people’s experience. I think in the last 5-10 years, it has become very common in terms of trying to teach this but it can still be hard to do all the time. Helping validate people’s feelings helps people feel heard, valued and important. This encourages people to share more as along as it is done respectfully and with a caring attitude. It’s not just a skill so you can get your own way

I think about the way God the father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit communicate with us. He communicates with each of us in his personal way. God is not some distant God who leaves us to guess what he is saying to us (Acts 17:27). He relates to us. I think of when Adam and Eve first sinned, the first two questions God asks in verses (Genesis 2:9,11), ‘Where are you?’ and ‘Who told you that you were naked?’. God knows what we’ve done, but my interpretation of this is God wants to connect with us. In my mind, he is curious and loving in these questions, not accusing them. God lovingly reaches out to Adam and Eve relationally, asking questions. We see the heart God, Adam and Eve messed up and they wanted to hide and avoid God, God is the one who came seeking after them.

In many ways, our mission as Christians is to communicate the love of God, the gospel, the good news of the kingdom to those who haven’t heard or even those who have heard that they might see and experience the heart of God and turn back to him.  

In the bible, God the father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit all communicate in many different ways and with different emotions. Sometimes God was angry with the Israelites and other times he was patiently talking with them. Other times Jesus has compassion (Matthew 15:32) and other times he communicated angrily (Matthew 21:13). The Holy Spirit communicates with people in so many different ways, sometimes it is through prayer and the bible, to Muslims in the Middle East through dreams and visions, to other people through movies and music, to others, God communicates through audible voice or other people and in some cases, the Holy Spirit talks to us directly.

What are the ways you feel easiest to hear God the father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit communicating with you? What are the ways that you feel God the father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit inviting you to commune with him?