Conflict sector
By John Warlow & Carolyn Russell
Sit with John and Carolyn awhile:
Notice yourself – scan your body as you sit and read this newsletter….
What is happening around you, and affecting your comfort, or steadiness currently? Or what is ‘on your mind and heart’ ( a common expression of this current era)?
What is your body experiencing as a result of this?
What thoughts do you have as you notice this?
What is the experience of being with others currently? Do you experience connection, and understanding from those with whom you walk? Or perhaps not?
If you have been able to notice any ‘discomfort’ or ‘tension’ or an internal sense of dysregulation, this may be a manifestation of your Conflict Sector.
As we consider sector of our Heart Circle named Conflict, let’s for a moment recall what we in CWF consider ‘conflict’ :
An interesting quote in recent journal article that I read regarding Rahims Conflict Management…. That there is no universal psychological definition of this word, and yet it is used in therapeutic and pastoral situations commonly, even perhaps in most therapeutic sessions.
One definition from American Psychological Association website states: Conflict in psychology is a dynamic and pervasive phenomenon that plays a fundamental role in shaping human behavior, relationships, and societal structures. They continue: It is NOT pathological, but an essential human experience.
In CWF picture language, it is in the Heart Circle … the source of our human responsiveness and expression. From this dynamic and pervasive phenomenon flow the actions, attitudes, emotions, physical experience, and relationships which characterise our stories.
We as counsellors pastors and pastoral carers aim to find the conflict in the narratives of our clients and to sit with and walk beside them, as they explore the origins of this experience.
As you now read this, sit awhile with Jesus…. Imagine or sense that He is listening to the narrative of the conflict sector you have identified.
Write this story or speak it out aloud for a moment.
What are the elements of this narrative?
Research around conflict suggests that there is
-Dissonance, internal or external
-difference in values, beliefs and thoughts compared to others
-clash of motivation, needs, goals or values
-tension in experiencing an event, or imagining self within this event
-tug of war between what I believe in or rely on, need, or hold as truth and what I observe to be occurring in me/others
-spreading out from my inner being to affect all my circles in various ways
Now let’s sit a while with His word, where conflict imbues the whole story of God and His people. Notice that you are not alone — Just as conflict is NOT pathological, but an essential human experience which provides for us the prompt to manage the experiences we have in life.
Who is with you? The vast cloud of witnesses who stand to encourage us all.
Those whom God was leading to a new place, or towards deeper understanding of His plan:
Abraham going to sacrifice….. ‘God will provide a sacrifice my son’ (Gen 22)
Abraham to be Father of nations — receiving a promise which seemed CRAZY (Gen 15ff)
Jacob being deceived by Laban (Gen 29)
Moses at Burning bush – but I am a man who cannot speak this way…. (Ex 3)
Habbakuk – How long O Lord? But I will stand and watch for your deliverance. (Hab 1-2)
Peter on roof with the vision of eating Unclean food (Acts 10)
New Christians told that Paul was coming to Jerusalem after his conversion!
Those experiencing conflict after choosing sinful paths:
David lamenting in Psalms (Ps 77 1-9 and Ps 56:8 and Many others!)
Paul… wretched man that I am! (Romans 7:21ff)
Peter when he denied he knew Jesus (Luke 22:54ff)
those with Interpersonal struggles:
Paul and Peter in conflict re the circumcision party and Judaizers (Gal 2)
Paul and Barnabas separate ways ( Acts 15:36)
Thomas before he met the Risen Lord Jesus
Paul speaking of the struggles in prison ( 2 Tim 4:9-16)
Conflict sector experiences are to alert us to the Entry Portal: we know that we are approaching the Heart Circle, that place of transformation.
Our thoughts, speech, actions, relationships will give us signals that we need to allow ourselves to Sit awhile with God, and sit with His Word, and to ask Him to Search our hearts – To Search for and to Find that story of conflict to assess what it might mean. Is there a way that He is leading, or an unacknowledged struggle or experience which I am being called to name, and bring deeper into the heart?
My friend seems distant Lord… I am missing her connection. We promised that we would be there for each other… and I’m being true to that! what is going on?/what is she wanting of me?/ She should speak up and make it clear/Friends should not do this!/what if she stays this way? What should I do? I NEED to resolve this and find out…. But what if she gets angry…… I don’t know what to do! You fix it Lord!
We go Next Door into our Coping Sector, and find all sorts of ways to diminish that tension, i.e. to find thoughts which can calm us, or give us ‘answers’ — we choose avoidance of the issue/person! And we blame others or God for not making life good for ME.
OR in that coping we can choose to move towards them and to assess our initial sense of change in the relationship – We FACE it!
What a joyous thing that God has made us in His image, to be aware of when the functions (other sectors) of our hearts and spirits need attention and His presence. He Gifts us the awareness of this Sector in our Heart Circle to act as a portal by which we can explore the other parts of us, and to then see that He wishes us to be transformed from the Inside Out.
As we experience and acknowledge the conflict, and cope by speaking/writing it’s story, then we are taken deeper to Sit with Jesus, and to know that
Wherever or through whatever He leads us …..
Whatever sinful choices we make…..
Whatever comes at us through other people ……
HE loves us deeply and wants to HOLD that conflict with us, and take the burden.
Sit awhile with Him now –
Then remember and Meditate on his word from David:
I consider the days of old, the years long ago.
I said, “let me remember my song in the night: let me meditate in my heart.”
They my spirit made a diligent search.
“Will the Lord spurn forever.
And never again be favourable?
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion? “
Then I said “ I will appeal to this. To the years of the right hand of the Most High”
Write out YOUR Psalm of praise from this conflict reflection, and WORSHIP this MOST HIGH now with YOUR Centre!