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APPEARANCE: Looks can be deceiving

By Sharon Khoo

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” – 1 Samuel 16:7

What happens or comes to your mind when you meet someone? You will first notice their outward appearance right? How they appear in terms of their face, hair, physical state, dressing or mood. Whether they look happy, sad, tired or some other emotion.

That’s normal and what we naturally do when we meet anyone.

We check ourselves out in the mirror to make sure we are looking decent and fine before we step out of our home. But sometimes, on certain bad days, we might not even bear to take a look at ourselves, let alone care about our appearance in the mirror.

And when this happens, what do we do? Well, some of us would mask our true appearance. We hide under our made-up hair, fancy make up, a favorite cap, nice clothes or even force on a (fake) smile. Just to tell others or ourselves that we look or feel ok, even when we’re not. There are then some of us who would prefer to stay real, and let the truth about how we’re feeling or doing on the inside come out on our outside – like not caring anymore about what we wear or how we look, and just letting it be laid bare, moody vibes, being bed ridden, no make-up, bad hair day, zits and all (I know I have done this before)!

As the old saying goes, and like this picture and God Himself says in the bible verse above, looks can be deceiving; never judge a book by its cover (or appearance).

In the picture, the outward appearance of the tattooed man is causing the other men & lady to judge him wrongly even though he is actually telling Christ that his heart is His. This reiterates what God already knows and said in 1 Samuel 16:7 – God looks at the heart, not the outward appearance, as man sees.

God looks past our external façade, to what is deeper and behind the surface of our selves – our heart.

Why? Because that’s what matters. To Him and to us. In the 5 Circles, Appearance appears as a sector in the Physical circle. It is like the entrance or doorway into the sectors and circles deeper and below it: Mood, Love (Mind & Heart circles), and Spirit circle.

Whether it is yourself, your client, a family member or stranger, you can sometimes tell how a person’s mood is from their dressing, posture, facial or outward appearance. For example, a disheveled, worn out, unsmiling or tired appearance could indicate a sad, anxious, angry or low mood, where the person’s heart and spirit is definitely affected.

Or, conversely, someone smiling, and wearing colourful clothes could be in a joyful or positive mood.

And then, we can also have the situation with the picture above – someone appearing like a tough gangster or risqué individual on the outside, being earnestly in need of God on the inside of his mind, heart and spirit, where we don’t tangibly see it.

God doesn’t want us to judge anyone by their cover, looks or appearance, because its what’s inside the person that counts.

I’m reminded of a few clients I know, whom God brought my way to teach me about looking past their appearances, and into their heart. One of them was going through gender transitioning from being a female/tomboy to male. Covered in tattoos & piercings, looking very much like a guy almost from head to toe, my heart broke for her, as we built trust over time and she told me her story of what had been going on in her life as a child till her present state, which had ultimately caused her to choose to have her current physical appearance, and gender transitioning. Though she initially intimidated me (like that picture above) because of her outward appearance, I began to see what God saw – her heart and inner state of a precious and broken child in desperate need of safety, acceptance, love, trust, God’s healing and deliverance.

God knows the importance of looking past appearances, into the heart. To truly see, know, understand and love a person. 

His dear Son, our precious Saviour, identified with us all before we were at our worst –

Jesus was described in His appearance, mind, heart and spirit sectors as this, in Isaiah 53: 2-3:

“He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him,
    nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by mankind,
    a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
    he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.”

To me, it’s almost as if God is saying “You would think that as the Almighty God, I should have made my Son like Me – gloriously glamorous, perfect everyday in His outward and inward state. But, the truth is, in your human eyes, my Son was not attractive nor desirable in His appearance. He was familiar with moods of sadness, grief and depression, from all the rejection, pain and suffering he bore from mankind. And in his heart and spirit, Jesus was despised, unloved and made to feel no worth or esteem. Crushed. … So He could be with you and you in Him, whenever you were ever feeling at your worst.”

Have you come across or known someone who has ever felt or been this way before?

… Jesus understands & identifies. Appearance, Mood, Mind, Heart & Spirit. God sees and knows.

And He bore it for us, with us. So that in our worst state possible, we wouldn’t be alone.

I’m grateful that for all our sakes, God never judges us based on our outward appearance, but our heart. And when our heart, mind and spirit is at home with Him, through Christ (like being at home position on the combi-shape), we will find what we need – acceptance, hope, salvation, empathy and understanding… the list goes on.

God wants our hearts, mood-mind and spirit to be at home with Christ. So that we can truly reflect Him in our outward appearance too.  Just like David whom God appointed to be king, we might even have favour with God. Because of our heart’s right posture with God, and the spiritual state of where it is at – not our outward appearance.

When the inside circles are right with God, the outer appearance and countenance of a person will reflect it. Likewise when it is not reflecting it.

Regardless of how we appear (and God still cares for this part of ourselves; He knows it can affect our mood, thoughts, heart and spirit), what’s more important to God is our heart.

Minding our heart, mind and spirit (which make up the ‘inner man’) is a part of our sanctification process. And as we also know, this process is a really long journey. Both for ourselves and anyone we serve and love, like our family members or clients.

So, while we are still on this long road, taking it one gracious step with Him at a time,

my question to you as a fellow brother or sister in Christ, is:

“How’s the appearance or state of your heart looking like today?

What might God be wanting to say to you about looking past your or someone’s outer appearance, and reflecting His heart?”

… God bless you.

And, from a heartfelt place of love and truth, God & I just want you to know, however you think you appear, You already are gorgeous to Him too!

TASK

By JP

If you were seeing a doctor, would you like one with a great attitude but lacks knowledge and not very skillful? Or would you prefer to see a doctor with a terrible attitude but has great knowledge and is very skillful? Of course, ideally it would be great to see a doctor who has a great attitude, skill and knowledge. Even better than that would be to see a doctor that has been transformed by Jesus Christ along with incredible attitude, skills and knowledge. In TASK, T-A-S-K refers to the Transformation, Attitude, Skill and Knowledge.

Sometimes I think that S (skill) and K (knowledge) is something I feel easier to work on. It’s more tangible, measurable and something I have more control over. I can set goals, monitor and see how I have increased my skills and knowledge. I can attend courses, read articles and maybe even find opportunities for me to practice some skills to help increase my knowledge and skills. Better yet I might even have opportunities to teach to solidify and grow my skills and knowledge. There’s always more knowledge to learn and new skills to attain.

• What skills and knowledge are you hoping to increase in 2025?
• What skills and knowledge have you learnt in the last few years?  

With A (attitude) I feel it’s more difficult to see how I have grown in these. My attitude can fluctuate and change in different circumstances along with my energy levels, my emotions and thoughts. Some days my attitude towards people or circumstances are kind, patient and God-centred and other days they are not so kind, not very patient and self-centred. The thing I find about attitude is that it is not as linear or easy to track compared to skills and knowledge. Generally with skills and knowledge, once you learn it, you might need to refresh every now and then, however with attitude, it needs a daily refreshing. How have my attitudes been God-centred or self-centred when I interact with my family, my colleagues, strangers, friends? Were there situations today that I was self-centred in my attitudes? I find that sometimes doing a daily check helps keep my attitude God-centred or at least aware of when I am God-centred and self-centred.

Daily Attitude check

1. How was my attitude towards people today (Including God, self, family, friends, colleagues and strangers)
2. How was my attitude towards today’s circumstances?
3. God, reveal to me if there were any selfish attitudes or attitudes that were not pleasing to you to today that I may confess, and refresh me with your spirit to have a God-centred attitude towards people or situations.

As with T (transformation), it’s similar to attitude in that it’s difficult to track and see where, when and what God has done in our lives unless we check it. By transformation, I am referring to the combination of our openness, surrender to God as well as God’s work in us. Similar to attitude, I find that since transformation is the work of God, our openness and surrender to him, it’s been helpful for me to evaluate my transformation by asking these three questions.

Regarding our transformation, we can do a daily reflection or dialogue with God and ask him these three questions

Daily Transformation reflection

When did I turn away from you (God) today?

Where were you (God) at work today?

When did I turn towards you (God) today?

The Transforming Power of The Cross

By Tsatsa Narantsatsral

The shape of the Cross illustrates the profound response from God to humanity—a response that remains constant, whether the recipient acknowledges it or not and it is the essence of spiritual transformation. Within the Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF), the Cross is central to the Response step. It has a dual placement: under the Square, illustrating our position in Christ, and at the centre of the Circles, representing the ongoing process of transformation in our hearts.

In addition to being a symbol of salvation, the cross represents the transformative journey from self-centeredness to God-centeredness. It invites us to consider: “What difference does Jesus make in my life?” This question lies at the heart of our reflection and practice as believers, shaping how we understand our relationship with God and His work in our lives.

The Cross has both vertical and horizontal dimensions that represent our spiritual position and practice. The vertical dimension illustrates our relationship with God—our standing in Christ as forgiven, redeemed, and reborn children of the Father. This position is unshakable, regardless of how we feel or behave. Through Jesus’ death and resurrection, we have been reconciled to God and placed into His family. Romans 3:23-24 reminds us, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by His grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” On the other hand, the horizontal aspect reflects our life in the world, lived out in relationships and daily actions. It acknowledges that while our position in Christ is secure, our lives may still reflect areas of self-centeredness, pride, and sin. Transformation occurs as we bring these areas to the Cross, receive God’s forgiveness, and realign ourselves to His purposes.

The shape of the Cross invites us to daily apply several truths about our relationship with God. First, His Person reminds us that the Trinity—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit—reveals the fullness of God’s nature and love. Second, His Presence assures us that, by the Spirit, God dwells within us, communing with our spirit and transforming us from within. Third, His Placing of Us highlights that we are forgiven, born again, united with Christ, and indwelt by the Holy Spirit. Fourth, His Purposes for Us reveal that God calls us to intimacy with Him, to love others, to imitate Christ, and to join Him in His mission to the world. Finally, His Provisions for Us remind us that God equips us with unfailing love, forgiveness, freedom, fullness, and strength to fight the good fight.

The Spirit Circle corresponds to the ongoing work of transformation at the Cross. It reflects God’s unchanging response to the human heart, providing truths that remain constant regardless of our circumstances.

Unshakable Position in Christ

Our position in Christ is secure. As 2 Corinthians 5:17 declares, “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” This truth applies even when we struggle with doubt, fear, or selfishness. Our identity as God’s beloved children remains unchanged.

God’s Presence Within Us

In our position of being born again, we have the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit. Revelation 21:3-4 promises, “God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain.”

Living with Purpose

We are created for intimacy with Christ and called to imitate Him. As John 17:18 says, “As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world.” This purpose gives our lives meaning and direction.

Provisions for the Journey

God’s provisions enable us to live transformed lives:

• unFailing Love: God’s love replaces shame and brings intimacy with Him (Psalm 52:8, Romans 5:5).
• Forgiveness: Through the Cross, we are justified and freed from guilt (Romans 5:8-9, John 19:30).
• Freedom: In Christ, we are set free from sin and empowered by the Spirit (John 8:36, Galatians 5:22-23).
• Fullness: We are filled with Christ’s life and joy as we abide in Him (John 15:4, Colossians 2:10).

Fight a Good Fight: We are equipped to face challenges and grow in resilience (Ephesians 6:13, 1 Timothy 1:18).

journey of transformation involves moving from self-centeredness to God-centeredness through daily encounters with the Cross. The Combined shape of the Square and the Cross symbolises this process: as we bring our sin, pain, and brokenness to the foot of the Cross, we experience God’s grace and are restored to healthy, God-centered functioning.

This transformation is ongoing. The Holy Spirit continually illuminates areas of our lives that need to be surrendered to God—pride, self-righteousness, lack of faith. Each time we respond with repentance, we are renewed and realigned with God’s purposes. As 2 Corinthians 3:18 describes, “We are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory.”

Even in moments of failure, the Cross offers comfort and assurance. We fall no lower than the foot of the Cross, where God’s forgiveness and grace are always available. Romans 8:1-2 reassures us: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”

Transformation is not merely a theoretical concept; it must be lived out daily. This practice involves surrendering to God, resisting temptation, and embracing His love and forgiveness. It is a journey marked by both challenges and joys, as we grow into Christlikeness and live out our faith in every aspect of life.

To share my own experience, the Cross at the centre of the Circles became the turning point in my journey of healing and transformation. For a long time, I searched for peace externally—in circumstances, relationships, and achievements—only to find myself restless and unfulfilled. True healing began when I experienced the fullness of God’s 5Ps—His Person, Presence, Provision, Placing, and Purpose—in the deepest part of my being. These truths touched every aspect of who I am—my social, physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual self—and began to heal me from the inside out.

This profound experience reshaped how I live out my faith. Each day, I aim to practice using the combined shape of the Cross and Square, sitting at the bottom right corner of the Square, which I now consider my spiritual home. It is here that I bring my weaknesses, self-centeredness, and vulnerabilities before God. As I rest in this place of surrender, I find His grace, love, and strength renewing me. This daily practice fuels my ongoing transformation and sanctification, drawing me closer to Christ and aligning my life with His purposes.

Reflection and Invitation

The shape of the Cross calls us to respond: How is God inviting you to bring areas of self-centeredness to the Cross today? Are there aspects of your life where you need to experience His forgiveness, freedom, or fullness? Take time to reflect on His provisions and promises, and invite the Holy Spirit to illuminate areas of transformation. As you journey with Him, remember: the Cross is not only a place of redemption but also a wellspring of ongoing renewal and grace.

The Shape of the Pyramid

By JP

The shape of the pyramid is about relationships and community. Right at the very beginning in the bible, God said, it is not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). He made us to be in relationship, with himself, with others and ourselves. We need other people. We were designed like this. When we look at the pyramid, we can see the four corners plus God. The pyramid shows us how can we show servant leadership through supporting ourselves, serve and link with others. It’s so important as we serve and lead to

The shape of the pyramid helps me to fulfil the 2^nd commandment, love your neighbour as yourself. The pyramid helps me to look after myself through finding supportive relationships such as: family and friends, local church (through church ministry and church community), to get a mentor (people helper), to be able to find people who can help me professionally when the need arises (e.g. Doctor, plumber, accountant, teacher etc). I’ve been moving countries every 2 years for the last 8 years. It’s always been a priority and a struggle to build and sustain my pyramid. For those who have been in one place for a long time, it might be a lot easier to find those supportive people in your life which I hope you do have them. They are so important for our self-care and wellbeing that we may be able to live long and fulfilling lives.

The role of supportive social relationships in our lives is so important. The research from Harvard University “have been seeking the key to a happy life since 1938, in the longest study into happiness ever conducted. After 85 years of research, they’ve concluded that it is our relationships with other people that give us the greatest happiness.” (Scientists found the key to a healthy, happy life: relationships | World Economic Forum)

It’s not just relationships with other people but it’s about quality of the relationship. The research continued saying “Regardless of their backgrounds, those with the strongest personal relationships were not only the happiest but also enjoyed the best overall health and lived longest.” Scientists found the key to a healthy, happy life: relationships | World Economic Forum

The shape of the pyramid also serves another purpose: serving and linking others together. I remember when I was younger, I was always serving people. This was something that through my family upbringing and my own experiences came naturally to me. However, when serving people, I wasn’t always good or natural at linking. I found the pyramid was profound in helping me to serve people holistically through linking with other people. It helps you not be the only person serving one person. It helps to have a team of people serving one person. It reminds of a how a medical or health team combine their different areas of expertise to help a person. Everyone needs their own pyramid. As we serve others, we can try to help the people we are serving build their own pyramids. It’s really tough when you’re serving a person all by yourself. It can be draining, tiring and lead to burnout. It’s been an incredible experience for me when serving as a team. It’s a lot harder, don’t get me wrong, but the joy and the harvest are multiplied.

Prose on Square

By Jenny Oh

The CWF Shape of the Square, conceptualized by John Warlow, provides a valuable framework for assessing one’s relationship with God. It prompts two critical questions: Am I God-centered or self-centered? Am I flourishing or submerged in suffering? While the model may appear simplistic, it offers a profound means of self-examination, encouraging honesty and awareness in our journey toward spiritual growth and wholeness in Christ.

The purpose of the Square is to facilitate understanding through assessment and reflection, as human beings do not always learn solely from their experiences but rather through thoughtful consideration of them. This is supported by leadership theories suggesting that individuals tend to judge themselves by their intentions and others by their actions. Such a tendency can obscure honest self-assessment, resulting in a skewed understanding of one’s spiritual position.

The Square invites us to listen attentively and still our minds, creating space for God’s voice to speak to us. It enables us to discern whether we are living in alignment with God’s purposes or being driven by self-centered motivations. Even in ministry, one might mistakenly believe they are God-centered simply because they are involved in “God’s work.” However, the Square challenges us to confront this presumption: Are we truly seeking God’s will, or are we merely acting according to our own desires and motivations?

At Oasis Christian Counseling Center, where I serve as Director, the CWF Shapes and Steps are integral to the training of our lay counselors. The first phase of this training focuses on personal application, helping individuals assess their own lives before counseling others. Many of our lay counselor trainees are pastors, Christian NGO leaders, seminarians, and others in Christian leadership. It is imperative that those who guide others first understand their own spiritual longings, patterns, and tendencies. If we live on the left side of the Square—self-centered—we become blind to God’s voice and, over time, may spiral into spiritual indifference. Conversely, for those committed to living a God-centered life, residing on the right side of the Square brings a deeper sense of communion with God, enabling greater clarity about one’s purpose and identity in Christ.

Since my conversion at the age of 18, my overriding desire has been to live according to God’s will. However, there have been seasons in which my ignorance, stubbornness, or fears have led me into self-centered behavior, causing me to slide toward the left side. Yet, my love for God ensures that I do not remain in that state. To those who are in Christ, there is an ongoing transformative process at work, reshaping our thoughts and actions. The Square serves as a mirror, providing us with a structured framework for regular self-examination within the rhythms of our spiritual discipline.

Living in a state of God-centered flourishing is the ideal toward which we strive. As new creations in Christ, we are empowered to live abundant lives. However, even in times of suffering, when we feel overwhelmed, we can rely on the countless promises of God’s presence and care. In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus invites us to lay our burdens upon Him, promising rest for the weary. While Jesus’ own burden was neither light nor easy, His finished work on the Cross enables us to carry the weight of our struggles through His grace and mercy, rather than through our own anxieties. He is with us; He is Emmanuel.

The concept of God-centered suffering is also significant. The book of Lamentations provides a vivid example of this, expressing profound grief over the destruction of Jerusalem. Yet, even in the midst of such sorrow, there is hope. The inclusion of suffering in the Square reflects the reality that the Christian life is not solely characterized by celebration and victory. In a world marked by injustice, poverty, and war, suffering is an inevitable part of life. However, as Romans 5:3-5 teaches, suffering can also be transformative, producing perseverance, character, and hope, moving us toward Him.

In counseling, the Square provides clients with a useful tool for self-awareness. It offers a simple, universal language through which they can articulate their current circumstances and spiritual state. Thus, the Square is placed within the “Understand” step. When individuals gain a clearer understanding of their identity in Christ and how God views them, they are more likely to experience true wholeness. As counselors and leaders, our role is to guide individuals toward this realization. Through the Square, we help them be in a position to go to God, allowing Him to make meaning of their circumstances. The Square also helps prepare clients for the “Respond” step, whether through the process of Trialogue or other tools.

In one of my couples counseling cases, Darot and Chantha (not their real names) sought help for marriage issues revolving around Darot’s gambling problem. They had been church friends as singles, got married in the church, and still attended the same church as both sides of their families. Chantha found out about Darot’s gambling problem ten years ago but couldn’t tell anyone, including their families. Recently, Chantha decided she could no longer cope with the struggle and sought help. They both loved the Lord and each other, but they allowed this issue to affect their relationship. At first, Darot was very silent, and I could sense from his posture as Chantha discussed his gambling problem that defensive reasoning was likely going through his mind. At some point, I introduced the Square and asked them where they thought they were in it. It wasn’t just Darot, but both of them were able to be honest about their situation, acknowledging that they were acting self-centered and suffering. Through this acknowledgment, the conversation shifted from accusing each other to desiring to hear from God and gain a God-centered understanding. Darot still had hard work ahead of him, in dealing with his gambling addiction, but it no longer took center stage in their relationship. Their primary desire became living a God-centered and flourishing life in Christ. They realized that no matter where they were in the quadrant of the Square, they could always return to the Cross. This was truly good news for them. In conclusion, the Square prompts us toward God-centeredness and reminds us that even when we don’t have complete understanding, it is in being God-centered, whether flourishing or suffering, that we have our being, and ultimately, there’s a confidence all will be well. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to integrate the CWF Shapes into my ministry and personal life. These concepts have not only enriched my professional work but have also profoundly shaped my spiritual journey. The Square serves as a constant reminder of the importance of remaining God-centered, whether in seasons of flourishing or suffering, and continues to inspire growth and transformation both in my life and in the lives of those I serve.

Through the Lens of the Circles:
“God be the Center for “Who am I?”

By Sally Ladignon

The question of “Who am I?” seems a bit overwhelming to answer especially if there is nothing to anchor on. The 5 circles and its 25 sectors in the Understand Step of the Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF) provided the fitting answer to said question because it captured the Biblical anatomy of man. The circles give a map of “who am I?” as created in God’s image and likeness as shouted out in Psalm 139:23-24 which says,

“Ipraise you, for Iam fearfully and wonderfully made. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

The truth that we are God’s masterpiece cannot be denied, but many might find it hard to believe especially that people are more prejudiced to define “who am I?” based on the triple A of false securities, which are appearance, achievement and authority. All these are temporal with no eternal attachment. The “who am I?” is more than our looks, accomplishments and influences.

I admired people like Drs. John Warlow and Arnold Lazaro who came up with their respective prodigious works on understanding and helping people. Dr. Warlow articulated the beauty and wisdom of the 5 circles with its 25 sectors for deep understanding of “who am I?” with emphasis on God as the center of our being. Likewise, Dr. Lazaro with his multimodal perspective used 7 considerations of assessment to understand and eventually plan for appropriate interventions in an abbreviated acronym of BASIC ID, which stands for Behavior, Affect, Sensation, Imagery, Cognition, Interpersonal factors, and Drug/Biological. These 7 elements (or sectors as called in CWF) represented just 3 circles (social, physical and mind). The 18 more sectors by Dr. Warlow will further draw out the missing puzzle pieces in the “who am I?”

I likened the 5 circles to an earphone when I listen to people’s narratives as they come for help. Their narratives are information-rich containing life themes revealing their conditions sector by sector in each circle. Sectors are like pieces of puzzle, which needed to securely fit to each other to paint a complete picture of “who am I?” promoting better understanding where one might be coming from.

May I introduce a young female adult who I called “Growing Little Girl” or GLG for short who I saw through the lens of the circles. She came for counseling because of a pressing concern. Life was difficult for her while growing up. Most of the time she is below the waterline navigating from left to right or right to left of the square. She is now 30 years old, working and living alone by herself for a long time. During our sessions I reflected back to GLG her narratives circle by circle which she appreciated and felt understood.

Social Circle

GLG and her boyfriend work in the same company as an office staff and a supervisor, respectively. Their relationship lasted for a year and was kept a secret from their co-workers as demanded by the guy until he finally broke up with her. This left her so devasted and heartbroken. She just cannot accept the break-up easily and shamelessly begged him to give their relationship a second chance. Annoyed by her persistence for a reconciliation, he thought of lodging a harassment complaint to local officials to prevent her from getting near him. This pained her more and felt so bad and rejected.

At work, she received a lot of disapproving feedback from supervisors and to compensate for (un)satisfactory performance, she worked extra hours not claiming for overtime pay. She also volunteered for additional work outside of her usual assignments to prove her worth in the company.

At early childhood, her mother left the family and eloped with another man. She and her younger brother were left under the care of their father and his female siblings who also have their own families to tend. Such early abandonment imprinted an empty core in her heart circle damaging the love (self-esteem) and truth (identity) sectors. She lived from one aunt to another when her father died while she was in elementary grade experiencing physical, emotional, verbal and mental abuse.

Physical Circle

By just looking at her appearance no one cannot suspect that she is actually below the waterline. She always put smiles on her face to hide whatever deep hurts are there. She blames herself a lot and harbor guilt feelings when several relationships failed. Because of the break-up she cannot sleep and eat well. Her bothering gastrointestinal issues worsened and needed medical attention from time to time. She also sought psychiatric help for her anxiety concerns. She cried a lot as she remembers how significant people abandoned her without proper closure.

Mind Circle

She lives in fear because of abandonment issues she experienced at home, schools, work and special relationships. Her fear of abandonment makes her anxious for losing someone she cares about. She felt betrayed by people who she thought would be there for her, but at the same time felt guilty for failing them to keep the relationship.

The recent break-up left her so devastated and heartbroken. She felt dead inside, struggled so much mentally and emotionally while wondering where her emotions are coming from which made her cry easily.

Her basic desire is to be helpful by pleasing people which end up abandoning herself of her own needs.

Heart Circle

She realized that people easily gave up on her and leave without reciprocating her need to be loved. She thought she is not enough and lack in many ways for people to appreciate and love her in return. She believed that she is not worth keeping that people will just dump her when they found out she is flawed.

The default message of her childhood that “it’s not okay to have her own needs” led her to repress her own needs and prioritize others’ needs losing her value and identity along the way. She centered more on others missing the triangle of relationship that is founded in God’s love so she can love God with all her heart, soul, mind and strength (Mark 12:30-31)

Spirit Circle

Starting to relate to Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior and not experiencing yet how she can cast her burden upon Him. Oftentimes, she needed to be facilitated to walk her journey and understand the transformation God is doing using her deep pains.

 GLG’s journey will be marked by learning to uproot lies stemming from negative childhood experiences by entrenching God’s truth to live free from past wounds. Although this entails a crucial process, the goals and plans of interventions will be discussed and employ not only the 5 circles, but the entirety of CWF.

I am still a beginner and a trainee in terms of adapting CWF into my counseling practice but through supervision and collaboration with the LW community, GLG will discover and settled of “who she is” in God being her center.

The Power of the Triangle:

Developing God-Centered Relationships

By Karen Grace Paul

The Triangle of Connection creates a powerful bond between God, others, and ourselves. God is at the center of this triangle, connecting us to those we invite into therapeutic relationships. In this sacred space, we invite others to speak to God, express their emotions, and pause to listen in His presence. This simple yet profound approach keeps us present with Him, cultivating peace and connection.

This Triangle of Connection is an useful tool for developing strong, enduring relationships. We begin with God as our Source, allowing His love to flow through us and into others. His love anchors these interactions, forming bonds of hope that can withstand even the most difficult challenges.

This divine connection serves as a strong, three-fold cord, providing the stability and strength required for healing relationships. Within this connection, love flows in two directions: from God through us to others, and in mutual giving and receiving. Drawing on God’s strength keeps all relationships balanced, healthy, and whole. This dynamic relationship, known as the trialogue, entails a transformative conversation in which we invite others to talk to God, finding freedom and rest in His presence. In a trialogue, God plays an active role, allowing us to linger in His presence and seek His guidance. It’s more than just speaking; it’s about making room for God to speak into our lives. Engaging in a trialogue allows us to form deeper connections by sharing our thoughts, fears, and hopes with God and one another while seeking His wisdom. 

This shared experience fosters unity and purpose, as we look to God for guidance and understanding. The impact of these trialogues is enormous. When we linger in God’s presence, and listen for His voice, we gain clarity, peace, and a renewed purpose. This not only changes our lives, but it also affects the lives of those we bring into the conversation. 

Bringing others into a space where God’s voice is central allows them to experience transformation and growth. Regular trialogues strengthen our faith, deepen our relationships, and inspire us to live more intentionally.

Over time, we become more aware of God’s presence and willing to follow His guidance. Time spent with others, inviting them to engage in trialogue with God, creates opportunities for deeper conversations, softens hearts, and brings profound healing.

The Triangle of Connection serves as a conduit for others to encounter God. Trialogues help us and others develop deeper, more meaningful relationships with God, others, and ourselves. I hope we embrace this powerful approach every day, allowing God’s love to guide our interactions and transform our lives one conversation at a time.

Healing that comes from a Christ-centred attitude to Evaluation

By Geok Cheng

I consider myself a reflective person. Due to my rather difficult childhood, somehow quite naturally, I began the habit of thinking through and recounting the incidences (i.e self-reflection) I faced ‒ to try to make sense out of it.

Gradually, as I reflected, I realised that I also evaluated (i.e judging what worked and/or what didn’t from that reflected experience) myself and the circumstances I was in. The scripture by Paul in 2 Corinthians 13:5 “Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves… ” has become my life guiding principle. Selfreflection and self-evaluation are now my innate nature.

The Christian Wholeness Framework (CWF), comprising the 5 shapes and 5 steps, has certainly given me a clearer and a more structured way for self-reflection and self-evaluation.

The Triangle directs me to evaluate my relationship with my heavenly Father, my shepherd and Lord Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit who is my counsellor and helper, and also my relationship with others. It directs me to examine how strong or weak the relationship has been and how it has grown or weakened through time.

The Circle takes me to a deeper level of examining how I have been relating and responding to God and others. The circle is like a compass showing me where to look at.

The Square forces me to be honest with myself ‒ if my response to God and people, in good or difficult times at the various sectors of my circle, were selfcentred or God-centred.

The Cross is the ‘home-base’ I would return to regardless the struggle I am in. No matter how weak or reluctant I might be, I will always find His grace to press on moving towards His ways for me, towards the right side of the square.

The Pyramid directs me to find the right source of help and support I need such as prayer, tangible help or resources. Sometimes, the pyramid helps me to recognise if the person whom I truggle with should be in my pyramid of support.

While the shapes and the steps are helpful in the process of evaluation, I realise (especially after learning CWF) that the attitudes i.e Face (F), Vulnerability (V) and Humility (H), are key towards having a spirit-led and truth-based evaluation of myself. The shapes and the steps shows us ‘how’ to evaluate but the attitudes FVH determines my posture that I take in the evaluation process.

My Attitude Journey

Last year, I was badly hurt and unjustly accused by a close friend. While we ended the conversation amicably, I knew I was deeply wounded.

I reflected on the sharing and could not quite get out of my own emotional turmoil I was in. The thought that my truthful and loving feedback was received as rebuke (she was offended), stirred a huge guilt and regret within me. I was burying myself below the water line and on the left side of ‘the square’ for awhile. It was only until I met my Lord Jesus and talked to Him about it (return to ‘home-base’), that gradually I was mentally able to evaluate the incident.

Face

The moment I met my Lord in prayers, His loving presence so embraced me that I broke down in tears. I finally faced the hurt and talked to Him about it. I no longer dwelt in my own emotions but had enough courage and strength to talk through the issue with my Lord. After a good cry in His presence, the Light of Christ simply shone into my heart and led me to review my feedback objectively. I realised that I had approached the feedback with care, love and much prayer. The evaluation of myself was shifted from man’s perspective to God’s perspective. I began to see what I needed to take responsibility for and what the accusations were.

Jerry Bridges, a Christian author, said, “We should never be afraid to examine ourselves. But when doubts do arise, the solution is not to try harder to prove to ourselves that we are believers. The solution is to flee to the Cross and to the righteousness of Christ, which is our only hope. And then, having looked to Christ alone for our justification, we can look to His Spirit to enable us to deal with those areas of our lives that cause doubt.”

Indeed, when I returned to the Cross and looked to Christ, His spirit enabled me to ‘face’ the issue courageously and His Light directed me out of the woods, I found clarity of mind through His Light. The evaluation of myself was not based on man’s response but by His written and spoken Word.

When we evaluate together with the Lord, His grace provides us with the capacity and courage to ‘Face’ ourselves and all that has happened in the event. His Light brings clarity that we may see and assess all things based on His Word. His truth becomes the standard on which the evaluation should be based on; it should never be based on man’s responses or expectations or the values and standards of this world.

Vulnerability

It was a painful process to ‘face’ my hurt. Though I know our Lord is with me every time I poured out my soul and bared my heart openly and fully the emotions within me, it was just so unbearable. Though those moments were simply difficult to go through, yet His ever consoling spirit pressed in upon me to give me sufficient grace to hang in there with Him. The Lord lovingly drew out deeper and deeper inner thoughts and feelings I had that was buried deep within me. While I felt so vulnerable and ‘exposed’ before my Lord with all my ugliness and weaknesses, the greater the grace I had to persevere through. I was naked before my Lord and my whole self was laid open for His access and for His healing in me.

The world does not esteem vulnerability as a strength. However, there is safety in Jesus when we are vulnerable. He is the safe refuge we can run to. As we become vulnerable before our Lord, we open up ourselves to His perspectives and understanding, thereby allowing ourselves to be healed, restored and realigned ourselves to His ways.

Humility

Being vulnerable certainly go against the natural grain of my whole being. The strong and steady persona I once had, seemed to vanish as Jesus takes His healing deeper. I was humbled mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Just when I felt the pain was dissipating away, my Lord asked me gently if I would surrender this friendship totally to Him. Immediately I knew that God was revealing to me that the importance I had placed in this friendship surpassed that of Christ.

James 4:10 says “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” (NIV). My Lord wants to lift me up and I have to learn to humbly recognise that nothing can be more important than Him in my heart. He desires to strengthen me so that I may be blameless and holy before Him (1 Thessalonians 3:13).

As I surrender this friendship to Jesus, Romans 5:20 “. . . where sin increased, grace abounded all the more . .” (ESV) suddenly became so real. The freedom that came from His gracious lift was felt so intimately as I obediently submit this friendship to Him daily.

Louie Giglio, the founder of the Passion Movement once said that “Humility is not a character trait to develop, it’s the natural byproduct of being with Jesus.” Humility comes as we remain connected with Jesus our Lord. He increases and I decrease.

The attitude of Humility in the Evaluation step directs us to look beyond ourselves and beyond all human judgement. He humbles us as we remain connected with Him. The entire self-evaluation no longer centres on ‘I’ but what He has to reveal.

What is Evaluation

Through this healing journey with my Lord, I discovered that besides the use of the 5 shapes and 5 steps to direct my reflection and evaluation, the attitude I possess to approach the evaluation ultimately determines the clarity and depth of the process.

Only our Creator God is well acquainted with our ways (Psalms 139:1-4, Proverbs 21:2) and He weighs our human heart.

The clarity and objectivity of our evaluation stems not on man’s understanding and certainly not based on man’s established standards. Only His truth sheds light and brings forth an unbiased evaluation that is truly constructive, life giving and life-building.

Conclusion

When Jesus is with us in the Evaluation step, there is true freedom and absolute objectivity when we face courageously our circumstances and ourselves. We need not fear when we choose to be vulnerable before our loving Lord. Most of all, being humbled by our Lord means He is going to lift us up. There is no shame as we face our fallen nature, our sins and our wrongs in His loving presence. He humbles us without crushing us and He lifts us up.

As Brennan Manning says, “take God’s evaluation of yourself instead of your own, and God expects even more failure from you than you do!”

Certainly, He knows our fallen nature but He is here to redeem us into His likeness.

I praise God for His healing grace.

The Engage Step

By Amanda Barclay

I would like to share with you how important the Engage Step and the pyramid practically are for me: in my own life, in the small group (for vulnerable women) that I co-facilitate and anytime I connect with a person who is under the water level.

When I meet with a person and they share with me, that they are really struggling in life, I am often the first person that they have shared this with. To ensure their safety and that I am not the only one supporting them, I try to make sure, ideally in the first meeting, that they have at least someone else in their pyramid. Once we have achieved enough safety and connection in the conversation, I often skip from the U step straight to the engage other help step as.

In Australia, I have found that the easiest place to start in helping someone   build their pyramid is often in the professional work corner: The first step usually is that I make sure they have a general practitioner they can trust. If this is not the case and the person has depression for example, I have in the past assisted them in finding a good GP and in getting a referral to a specialist or counsellor.

I am continually collecting names and contact details of psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors that have been recommended to me.

I am aware that in some other countries it would be a lot harder to help someone build their professional corner due to the lack of mental health professionals.

The next step would be to help them access the local church and people helper’s corners:

I also give them the contacts available based on their most pressing needs: To help me in doing this, I am actively collecting information on the range of help different churches in our area offer. Every church or para-church organization has their specific focus and strength in their outreach and are able to offer assistance in different areas: for instance some offer free food, others offer support groups for divorcees. In doing this I think we can really see that there is such power in working in unity as the Church. I see this unity beautifully expressed in the Living Wholeness community.

Building the Family and friends’ corner: by giving someone an overview of the steps and the principles of SAFETY the quality and depth their everyday relationships are inhanced.

Top of the pyramid: The women in our small group often struggle to see God as a safe person, either because they haven’t had a safe earthly father (alcohol addiction, abuse or neglect etc) or some of the preaching or even how they themselves read the Bible (through the glasses of their hurt and pain) has made them feel like God is condemning. Unfortunately, there are people in church that don’t understand that salvation, forgiveness and prayer don’t heal everything immediately and that there is such a thing as God centred suffering. This can make church an unsafe place for hurting people. In the safety of our small group the woman can learn that God is safe, but this can take years or may be a lifelong journey.

In our small group we had to support women go through the complicated process of applying for social security payments, so they had the funds needed to access professional support. In Australia, this process is complex and overwhelming/impossible for someone with mental illness to complete. The support and advocacy needed for this is sadly lacking.

Again, I am aware that in many countries there is no social security available.

I am also aware of how important it is for me to be the recipient and to proactively build my own pyramid. I am blessed to have a good pyramid of safe people in most corners.

The area that we as group facilitators have found the hardest to get is adequate support and supervision from pastoral care.

I have also really struggled with the lack of awareness at church and in society in general for how hard living with mental illness or supporting a family member with mental illness can be.

This again points to importance of the pyramid and the amazing work of Living Wholeness!!

Being on the Respond Step with God

By Sharon Khoo

Looking at the Respond step, we see that there are many elements there for the purpose of our growth in Christ, for the influence of the Gospel. The Cross & Combi-Shape are 2 shapes that stand out, along with the key words ‘to grow’, ‘Influence for the gospel’, ‘C.H.A.N.G.E.’, Therapeutic Map, and tools like Trialogue & Tennis.

I remember a time when all the above items were real and present for me, as I was responding to God, in my worst pain and suffering. I was suffering from Clinical Depression, beneath underwater in the square, and needed some help and deliverance to say the least! I was a self-Centred victim (right side, bottom, square), not yet a God-Centred Victor (left side). 

That was the space and time in my life that I felt like I had no choice but to turn to the Cross – my first response to God. I called out to God in my psychological overwhelm of pain and despair, and found myself met by the Presence, Person and Provision of Jesus Himself (some wonderful ‘Ps’ or gifts that we find at the Cross), during my inner healing and deliverance sessions with my pastoral counselor whom I saw for many years in my healing journey. 

This Holy space of meeting Jesus in the underbelly of my suffering, can be likened to being at the Home position for our heart, right beside the cross in the Combi-shape. Through this experiential knowledge of God, I found that He comes down to our lowest levels of suffering, doesn’t just meet us there as Immanuel, but responds to us at our deepest, darkest pain here as we respond to Him too. Just like Jesus talks about rescuing the one lost (or broken & vulnerable) sheep in Luke 15:4-7. Or in Psalm 23:4, where though we walk through the darkest valley, our Good Shepherd is with us, comforting us with His rod & staff.

Here, in this home position, I played tennis & Trialogue regularly with God and Jesus. Wrestling with Them over tough inevitable questions I needed answers to (albeit with much blind rage and ignorance) like, “Why did you do this to me (& my F.O.O.) God?”, “How could you be good and still allow such bad and harm, evil and violence come my way against my will, as a child who is vulnerable no less?”, and, “What were you thinking, letting your own son die when you could slay the devil & end all this madness & evil Yourself instead? Are you mad?”

Well, God always has His own wisdom & response to ours, especially when we are throwing them unkindly, wrongly or blindly at Him, to say the least. And I thank HIM that He was able to more than graciously forgive me for my serious shortcomings, love me in my severely broken state & naïveté as a child who not only needed to heal but to be properly educated in my faith about God & grow up in Christlike maturity (as is a purpose of the Respond step).

In my or any of our initial poor response to Him, I Thank God, for His better one. For not condemning me but responding back in great kindness, understanding, wisdom, undeserved grace and unconditional love as a Father who is Bigger, Better, Wiser & Kinder. He gave me the answers I needed, convicted me that He understood where I was coming from and that He was really ok. And more than ok, He was going to help me be ok too. He is and always will be good, to all of us as humanity, despite our broken, sinful nature & the evil nature of the enemy.

I thank Jesus too, for being the Wounded Healer & Best Friend I needed, identifying with all of my flaws, pain, brokenness and iniquities, saving me too, from my own kind of painful insanity. Needless to say, our God who is more than able, responded back in love to me at this R step, with all the answers He knew I needed, with time playing more trialogue and tennis with Him over some years. That included His answers to my earlier questions. It was finally not just a one-way conversation I previously had as a child & teen with God, but a 2-way, even three-way connection, with the presence of my counselor too, helping the responding, healing and growth process – much like the nature of the triangle. 

At the end of traveling this therapeutic map of having quality pastoral & professional counseling, inner healing, deliverance and more (I chose to receive clinical counseling and therapy such as seeing a Psychologist and Psychiatrist too, which God worked for my eventual good of wholistic healing. And is one wholistic therapeutic map I thoroughly recommend and encourage my own clients who desire to overcome mental illness to take in my pastoral counseling practice), I found myself transformed. God delivered me out of deep waters. 

I moved from the left self-Centred side to the right God-Centred side of the square, to be above water level with & in Christ. ‘C.H.A.N.G.E.’ happened. I was … 

Challenged to be more like Christ daily, Heightened in my knowledge & understanding of why God allows suffering and sickness in the world, 

Affirmed in many countless ways by other healthy people & God in the area of overcoming evil with good (Romans 12:21), New Ways of being more healthy & whole, not just happier, such as having healthy boundaries & imitating Christ, 

Growth in character was a definite in this process of responding to God, and I was Empowered to forgive, love again, and walk out of the dark fog of depression & bitterness, after 22 years of bearing with & healing from this unwanted dis-ease. 

Fast forward 10 years later & only by His great grace, I thank God that I am more than an Overcomer & Victor in Christ (Romans 8:37). My humbled response to God out of an overwhelmingly grateful & transformed heart, is that I choose to love & live for Him daily. To put God first and foremost in my life, and to obey His commandments, especially His greatest one (Mark 13:30-31); with full devotion & commitment to be more like His son. To love and serve others too, with a desire to make Him known, by sharing the good that He is and offers to us all, while we still live life on earth, this other side of Heaven. As His Missionary, Pastoral Counselor, guest speaker and the author of the book, ‘Hope in Despair’ – God’s story of how He got me out of Clinical Depression, Complex Trauma and Abuse – I am responding to God by using these roles to be an influence for the Gospel by sharing with others the good news & hope of Christ, in the midst of mental illness & suffering. All because He responded to me, and I too, was desperate enough to respond to God. Truly, God is worthy of our response to love, honor and worship Him, even in deepest pain and darkest suffering. (Job’s response to God & Jesus’ submission to His Father before, during & at the cross, comes to mind here too as further greater examples.) 

So, the ‘Respond to God’ step? It is definitely a broken but beautiful place to be in. And though everyone’s state of being at this step might be similar or different depending on how you are responding to God and what you are coming to Him for, so much powerful and positive C.H.A.N.G.E. can happen here, with Jesus. God responds to us when we turn to Him, no matter what state we’re in. But we too, need to make our choice if we want to respond to Him or not. 

In closing, perhaps one question we can take away from this is – What might you find relevant, to Grow or Respond in today, in your response to God towards greater healing or wholeness, at this time of your life? 

God, the wonderfully good author & perfecter of your faith and life bless you as you ponder, wonder, wrestle & respond, with Jesus. He loves & cares for you.

To God be the Glory.